Are You The Person You Need To Be? - Self Reflection Blog

This question may seem simple but we guarantee that if you dive a little deeper you may find that your answer is slightly different from what you originally expected.

As a foundation of this blog, I am going to assume a few aspects of your life, such as, you are in a relationship. Additionally, in one form or in many others, you are struggling. Whether you have external struggles such as financial, academic, social pressures and or family complications; or internal struggles such as depression, anxiety, or negative self-talk; I am assuming that your life isn’t exactly where you want it to be.

It may feel as though you’re failing in an aspect of life where you see everyone else, either around you or on social media, thriving. It is a place where your insecurities succeed, and your failures seem ginormous. It’s the place where your self-depreciative thoughts tend to run your world and within that space, you are trying to find yourself and deliver on the pressures that you and others have placed on your life.

So, I ask this question again:

Are you the person you need to be?

I will add a couple more questions to this:

• What is the most painful thought you had this week?
• What makes you happy?

The three questions presented are leading us in a certain direction, which is to unpack and figure out our personal emotional compass and to understand how we deal with the negative emotions. For example, if you are in a long-distance relationship, you are going through a stressful period, and you are bringing these stresses to your relationship, this can lead to unintentional consequences. 

The bad day you had at work follows you home, and when you speak to your significant other, you unintentionally speak through the lens of stress, insecurities, blame, and doubt. Whether this is your behavior or that of your partner, there are significant negative consequences that occur when you bring internal or external struggles to your relationship and use your partner as the 'punching bag' to relieve your stress.

To be frank:

Do not expect your significant other to find happiness with you while also shouldering and being the 'punching bag' of your stresses.

In this scenario, it is important to recognize that people are able to be compassionate and empathetic to a certain degree, however, their need to comfort and be there for you should not be taken for granted or abused. It is normal to speak about the annoyances that happen at work, school, or in your current environment, however, if you come home and have an attitude with your partner and do or say misdemeaning words because of your current situation, you have already crossed a line.

Work, school, finances, negative self-talk, all these factors, and more can affect how you see the world and how you choose to interact with it. Although these stressors are difficult to manage, you need to find an activity that will help you destress and bring you to a more mindful position before interacting with others. This includes finding activities that do not require the presence of other people but can help your mood. Whether that is at-home workouts or running in the park, journaling, or meditation, find something that allows you to find inner peace. 

These actions may not solve or improve your current situation but it may allow the peace in your relationship to return as your partner no longer feels like they must shoulder the burden of your stress onto themselves. This can restore your relationship back into the peaceful sanctuary both partners need.

Circling back to our questions: what is the most painful thought you've had this week?

Once you know the answer to this question I want you to think about, what can you do to help relieve that painful thought that does not require you to go to somebody else?

I am placing a heavy emphasis on finding an activity to do by yourself because people are fickle. One day there with you, the next day they are not. Since you are the most permanent thing in your own life, what is something that you can do to improve yourself where others that you normally rely on, are busy, unavailable, or no longer in your life? 

What can you do to help yourself?

Finally, do you know what makes you happy? 

Do you have a goal or milestones for your mental and physical health? In the next five to ten years, what will you physically and mentally look like? I know that people like to have a five to ten-year plan financially, a twenty-to-lifetime plan for a relationship, but what about a five to ten-year plan with yourself? In the next few years, where do you want to be mentally, physically, and emotionally? If you have an answer to these questions, then what are you doing every six months, three months, and every single day that will allow you to turn those goals into a reality? 

And be honest with yourself!

No one is sitting in your mind with you. That should be the space where you can be 100% truthful and openly say, this is what I want and this is where I want to go. To the rest of the world, you need to be politically correct in many and or in all instances and circumstances; that is why either thinking to yourself or writing your thoughts out for no one else to read or hear should be a priority. Without judgment and scrutiny, express yourself as much as possible and become comfortable in your own mind.

Be honest with yourself and from there learn to develop a deep love and appreciation for yourself. Simply because you are trying to foster a relationship with someone that is geographically distant from you and yet you're struggling with these internal/ external battles that are causing you to create friction. So before you blame your relationship on your significant other, take the time to think about where you need to be in the relationship for it to work. Ask yourself, are you bringing your insecurities and your external struggles to the relationship and using your partner as a crutch to relive your stress? 

As always, this information isn't for everyone and will not work in all circumstances but I do hope it gives clarity and if anything else an interesting read for you and your significant other!

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